I'm starting to lean towards getting the last verse of "Rue's Lullaby", since I listened to it while holding Molly and waiting for the vet. As for placement, it's going on my right arm, the last place she laid her head.

Here it's safe, here it's warm
Here the daisies guard you from every harm
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true
Here is the place where I love you.


I just need to put together the money for it now, I guess.

My mother sent me some vintage bone china teacups. It wasn't connected to anything else. She'd had them a long time, she had them when I was a kid. It wasn't until she saw me coveting the teacups at Uncommon Objects that she realized I'd always admired them. So I got a box in the mail today



This is one of them, "Irish Elegance" by Royal Standard. The other one is by Paragon and I don't know the name of the pattern, but it's a colorful floral that looks vaguely like dogwoods to my uneducated eye.

The enclosed note said that tea always tasted better in them. I told her I'd make an extra special point of using the best tea when I drank from them as well!




When my finances recover I need to get a memorial tattoo for Molly. I'm torn between a picture of a cat, or a quote from The Last Unicorn, since she was named for Molly Grue and Molly Grue had some great lines.

I took a bunch of phone calls, but I finally found a mobile vet willing and able to come by. Kidney failure. I held Molly and told stories about her while the vet (who was very kind) ended her suffering.

I can't believe my Mollywog is gone.

I was listening to this when the vet came with the goodbye box.

Molly took a turn for the worse last night. She's moving very stiffly and making pained noises. I couldn't reach anyone at the Humane Society or Animal Trustees of Austin. I called the vet clinic and explained my sidtuation (disabled, no transportation, elderly cat in a bad way) and the woman there recommended I call a mobile vet and gave me some numbers.

Oh go, I'm... desperately trying to find a mobile vet who'll cut me a price break on a gentle home euthanasia. That's what's happening. I hurt so much.

My kid brother has recommended both Oglaf and Epic Meal Time to me. I'm so proud *sniff*

Things have been going well with the paternal side of my family. My brother's read some of my fic and had good things to say, and seems to appreciate the writing I'm proudest of. My dad watched Father's Day, even though he wasn't into Who, and payed attention and appreciated it. I owe them emails, but self-doubt is closing in on me again and I'm having trouble getting the nerve.

Didn't sleep well last night. After UPS comes this afternoon (hopefully early!) I might Valium myself into a few hours of no fretting.

Spending last night texting back and forth with my kid brother was amazing. He seems like a smart guy, a good guy. Well worth getting to know. My dad agreed so readily to watch the Nine-era ep Father's Day when I asked that I almost cried, the contrast couldn't be more glaring with the haughty sneer I got from my mom when I told her that I saw a lot of similarities between Joyce and Buffy and the relationship we had in my teens. I also found a good price on a copy of The Long Ships, which my stepmother and brother both recommended, so I'll be reading that soon.

Still kind of nervous about it all and overwhelmed, but it's going well. I don't really understand how I had the nerve to do it and I wish I had someone to talk it through with more, but... I did something really big. And I'm kind of amazed.

Much shallower, but I finally got Odoru Akachan Ningen as my ringtone. It's not just dramatic, it's fucking dramatic!

So many feelings, I am overloaded... and sibling relationships being an issue on Mark Watches and Mark Reads...


HEADASPLODING

I have a kid brother to be proud of.

Lime Cucumber Gatorade is one of the best things there is. Seriously, it has Potent Salubrious Properties.

Still clawing out of this exaggerated FEELS MELTDOWN. I'm actually really proud of myself, though. I've been trying to be proactive about improving my support system. Today was... well. I'm still not sleeping well, so I left the house to hit up Walgreens as soon as the pharmacy opened. I wound up with a long wait for the bus, having a conversation with a homeless guy. It was depressing and frustrating, the 'system' is so goddamned broken.

And of course there was the Attack of the Mommy Issues, which I won't bother going into too much detail about but I will say it was a hell of a time for me to have read Alison Bechdel's Are You My Mother?, which was one of the most emotionally exhausting things I've ever read and I found all the stuff about psychoanalysis really interesting.