So, not only did the 50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts spark enough suggestions for a massive Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts Appendix, it also inspired several icon makers. Check out their great work-


greenabsinthe's icons

behindblue_eyes' icons

queene_icons' icons


Also, waywardoctagon has been doing a great job coming up with graphics for The 50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts Cafepress Store. But we're asking for input! There are far too many excellent addenda to fit on the back of one shirt, so we'll be doing different editions. We could just call them "More things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts", "Further things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts", "Revenge things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts", "Bride of things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts"... but I'm sure some of you clever folk can think of something funnier!

And speaking of the funny... here's








big_dreaming_k's addenda-


Michael Jackson is not a vampire, and I will not tell Muggle-borns that he is.

-nor is he Lord Voldermort.

-nor will he be studied as a part of the DADA curriculum.

I will not accidentally-on-purpose refer to S.P.E.W. as P.E.T.A. in Hermione Granger's presence.

-not even if I think they are the same thing.

-I will not convince P.E.T.A. that house-elves need the organization's protection.

I will not request "The Cha-Cha Slide" be played at the Yule Ball.

-likewise for the Chicken Dance, the Limbo, and/or the Macarena.

-calling it "The Casper Slide" does not change anything.

I will not give Hagrid Pokémon cards and convince him that they are real animals

-likewise, I will not tell First Year Muggle-borns that Pokémon battles are a part of the Care of Magical Creatures curriculum

I am not qualified to perform exorcisms on Hogwarts ghosts, and attempting to do so will merely offend them.

Draco Malfoy is not the secret identity of "Ferret Boy".

Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are not the magical equivalent of "Batman and Robin".

-I will not use this theory to make suggestions about either boy's sexual preferences.

Telling Draco Malfoy to "make like a ferret and bounce" is always a bad idea.

The Crucible is not summer reading for History of Magic, and I should not tell First Years that it is.

I should not re-shelve Hogwarts: A History under 'Fiction'.

-especially if it is to make Hermione Granger have panic attacks.

Fleur Delacour is not Barbie, and should not be referred to as such.

I will not trick Professor Trelawney into calling Miss Cleo.

-even if I tape the conversation for Professor McGonagall.

-even if Professor McGonagall laughs.

I will not hand out the orange halves of Skiving Snackboxes to First Years as welcome gifts.

-not even if I offer to sell them the purple antidote half afterwards.

"You might be a Pureblood if..." jokes will get me in trouble, especially in front of Slytherins.

I am not authorized to form an elite squad of prefects with authority over professors.















J. W. Wells' addenda-


I will not set up hidden Muggle loudspeakers to blare "Gay Boyfriend" whenever Remus Lupin enters a classroom.

- Nor will I play the Darth Vader theme for Professor Snape.

- However, when Lucius Malfoy visits, I may play both.

I will never employ the names "Headmaster Bumblebore," "Snivellus Snark," or, heaven forbid, "Gildedboy Frockhart".

- But, again under the general Malfoy rule exception, I may use "Waco Cowboy" with relative impunity.

The bludger is not a bowling ball, and Professor Snape is not a bowling pin. I will not attempt to prove otherwise.

There is no rule against disseminating tasteful Snape-on-McGonagall pornography.

- No such thing exists.

I will not stalk the Boy Who Lived. I will not stalk Professor Snape.

- I may, however, stalk Neville Longbottom with impunity, as he will appreciate the attention.

Regardless of the beautiful irony, I will not hang a tempting piñata from the Whomping Willow.

I will not claim to "just be visiting for a crossover."

- In fact, I will not break the fourth wall, period.

I will not attempt to get away with anything Harry Potter and company gets away with. They're special.

I will not tell the first-years that house points work like golf scores, and they should aim low.

I will not introduce Muggle water cannons to the school. Due to their excessive firepower, they violate the Weasley Arms Treaty of About Two Years Ago.

I will not smuggle for Muggles.

- Nor will I send magical equipment to Caltech or MIT in exchange for full tuition.

- By "I," we actually mean you, Hermione.

If I insist on carrying out my plans of producing "Riddle-de-dee: The Voldemort Musical", I will do so under a nom-de-plume.

- I will not attempt to recruit the title character to play himself. Even if he looks good in tap shoes.












Firestorm17's addenda-

Even though Professor Lupin does get "that time of the month", it is inappropriate to point it out.

Muggle husbands of witches are not to be called "Darren". "Harvey" is not acceptable either.

Ron Weasley's brother Bill is not telepathic.

-Or German.

Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger do not have "The Power of Three."

I am not Hogwarts' official "virgin surgeon".

The Slytherin prefect is named Draco Malfoy, not "Rocky Horror."

-Transfiguring Draco Malfoy's uniform into a gold thong is inappropriate.

-Especially if he's wearing it.

Crabbe and Goyle should not be referred to as "Bulk and Skull". "Dumb and Dumber" is equally inappropriate.

-I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle collectively as "Team Rocket" either.

Pokemon are not part of the Care of Magical Creatures curriculum.

I will not sing the "Every Sperm is Sacred" song in front of any Weasley.

Replacing any of Professot Trelawney's Tarot decks with Yu-Gi-Oh! cards is not funny.

The average landspeed of an unladen swallow is not relevent to my Arithmancy assignment.

If I have to apply gravy to myself to get him to do it, Professor Lupin's were-form does not want to lick me there.

Comparing Draco Malfoy to Alex Krycek, Lindsay McDonald, Lex Luthor or any similar character is not an appropriate subject for a Muggle Studies essay.

The condition of Professor Snape's hair has nothing to do with the Muggle movie "There's Something About Mary."

It is not a good idea to put my wand in there.

I will not play my Steve Miller Band CD at Hogwarts ever again.

Ron Weasley will not appreciate being called "Samwise Gamgee".

I will not attempt to determine whether Malfoy is a natural blond.

Hogwarts students are not dragonriders. Therefore, House colors do not necessarily tell me anything about the Slytherin boys or the Ravenclaw girls.

Harry Potter is not a "strange visitor from another planet."

Harry Potter will not appreciate my Deforrest Kelly impressions.

-Especially during the yearly "adventure" in June.

I should not tell my teachers that the House Points don't matter.

Winning the House Cup does not entitle me to do "something special" with any of the teachers.

The prize for winning the House Cup is not oral sex.

-Second prize is not "getting to give it".

Headmaster Dumbledore has nothing to do with CI5.

I shouldn't sing that Monty Python song about penises in front of Percy Weasley.

-I shouldn't sing it in front of Fred or George Weasley either, but for different reasons.

Ron Weasley will not appreciate being called "Boy Wonder."

-And he definitely does not want to wear green tights.

Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle's first names are, respectively, Draco, Vincent and Gregory, not Larry, Darryl and Darryl.

Professor Lupin's curriculum vitae does not include employment at anyplace named "Guilty Pleasures".

-Nor does it include residence in St. Louis, MO.

The Slytherin Quidditch team should not be referred to as "Draco Malfoy and a moderate amount of crossdressing".

-Even if that is an accurate description.

My Head of House does not perform that kind of services.

Invisibility cloaks should not be used to act out Clay Aiken songs.

Our Transfiguration teacher should be called Professor McGonagall, not "Pussy Galore".

If I have to use Petrificus Totalis to get them to do it, Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy do not want to play "Moving People".

I will stop getting the exchange students from Beauxbatons to say that they want happiness.

It is none of my business whether Professor Lupin does anything "doggy-style".

-It is equally none of my business whether Neville Longbottom does anything "froggy-style".

It is exceptionally tasteless to tell Professor Lupin that "once you go Black, you never go back."

I will not tell fellow students that they "remind me of my broom".

I will not convince three of the school ghosts to annoy Professor Snape on Christmas Eve.

Adding the name "Bueller" to Professor Binns' roster is not funny.

Singing, humming or otherwise referencing the song "Turning Japanese" in front of Colin Creevey is not funny.

I should not imply that Harry Potter loves the dead "that way".

-Especially not to his face.

The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate.

-Especially in reference to Professor Umbridge.

"Springtime for Voldemort" is not an acceptable suggestion for the class play.

Becoming a Death Eater does not involve giving oral favors to a really old guy named Adam or a scary blond guy named Edward.

My potions assignment is not a personal lubricant.

I am not allowed to spank others.

-Even if Malfoy liked it.

The Weasleys are not rabbit Animagi.

-Or weasel Animagi.

The Gryffindor students are not Starfleet security personnel.

Professor Snape will not appreciate being called Aragorn.

I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.

Professor Snape's skill as a Legilimens does not put him under Psi Corps jurisdiction.

The Defense Against the Dark Arts professor is not required to wear a red shirt.

-Nor brown pants.

I should not ask Harry Potter if he wants to talk to my "snake".



Holli's addenda-


The band at the Yule Ball does not know how to play "Freebird," and shouting at them will not change that.

- The same applies to "Stairway to Heaven."

Telling Luna Lovegood that Buffy the Vampire Slayer is a documentary is an unkind thing to do.

I am not allowed to skywrite "Surrender Dorothy" during Quidditch games.

Gwaithir does not live in the Owlery, and I should not tell the first-years that he does.

Not allowed to hire Aragog's children to spell out "Some Pig" in spiderweb over anyone's bed.

- Not even Pansy Parkinson.

While I am allowed to start clubs, I am not allowed to offer people cash to model nude for my art club.

- Not even if they are quite fit from all that Quidditch.

"Slytherin uber alles" is not an appropriate sentiment to be spelled out in metal studs on the back of my robe.




psychoticmuse's addenda-


I will not give catnip to Mrs. Norris. Now matter how funny the outcome is.

I will not write "Wizzard" on my hat in sequins.

Pumpkin juice is not to be called "Pimp Juice."

I am not to refer to Harry Potter as "Rincewind"

I will not get the stands to chant "Badger, badger, badger..." during a Slytherin-Hufflepuff quidditch match.

I will not get the house elves to serve curry or vindaloo.

It's not nice to call Professor Flitwick "peck."

I will not make any jokes about Lupin and "his time of the month."

Accusing First Years (or members of other houses) of being Banelings in service of the Nameless One is probably in poor taste.

-So would checking their nipples to "make sure they weren't spies."

No matter how vast the uses and entertaining the results, I will not induldge in fun with duct tape.

-This goes double for superglue.

-Regardless of the fact that the Wizard Born students would make prime targets, as they wouldn't know what they are.

I will not make bows and arrows out of paperclips and rubberbands.

The Malfoys are in no way related to Fabio.






Lynz's addenda-

I will not set Harry and Ginny up, then go up to Ginny and say, "Do you want a quickie in the bathroom now or later?"

-I will not say that phrase, not even to convince the entire school that Ginny is a lesbian.

I will not serve calamari to the giant squid.

-I will not convince firsties that calamari is a type of giant-squid treat.

when Professor Snape says my name, I will not respond with "How may I service you?"

-I will not say that to anyone.

I will not accuse Professor Snape of giving me lice during our sexcapades, especially during class.

I will not dance naked on Snape's desk.

I will not skinny dip.

I am not to dance naked in the great hall.

-or on the grounds.

-Generally, dancing naked is wrong.




pre_raphaelite1's addenda-


I will not convince the firsties to hunt for wild haggis.

Despite the appearances of the employees and the vaults, Gringotts is not the entrance to the Labyrinth.

-While in the company of goblins, I must not demand that I be taken to Jareth.

-Nor shall I tell them "You remind me of the babe."

Mad Eye Moody is not related to One Eyed Willy.

-Nor are One Eyed Willy jokes appropriate during class.






Sorcha Ravenschild's addenda-


Professor Snape is not the Metatron.

- Nor is he a Muggle terrorist hiding from Bruce Willis.

- Nor is Dobby actually Gollum, and I should stop trying to get The One Ring from him.

I am not allowed to sing the "Badger Badger" song whenever I pass a group of Hufflepuffs.

- Not even if there's a Slytherin nearby as well ("A snake! A snake! Oh, it's a snake!").

I do not have "power of attorney" over all first years.

- Thus, I am not entitled to a "cut" of their pocket money and sweets from home.

Draco Malfoy no longer requires a nanny, nor does he need tucking in and "a bit of a cuddle" at bedtime.

- Not even if he insists that he does. And that his father has hired me to provide said service.

I am not to tell the first years that Muggles worship Cthulhu.

- Nor that the Giant Squid is Cthulhu's love child.

Professor McGonagall is not a hamster, and Professor Dumbledore does not smell of elderberries.

I am not to call Hogwarts "the most covert anti-Death Eater organisation on the planet."

- I am also not to refer to Professor Dumbledore as "Ops".

- Or to tell the first-years that they'll be "cancelled" for doing badly in Potions.

The Easter Bunny is not Jesus' Animagus form.

I am not allowed to ask Pureblood students things like, "If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?"

I am not allowed to provide photographic proof that Blaise Zabini is male.

- Not even if it's real.

- Not even if asked.

- Not even if - on second thought, I am not allowed to obtain photographic proof yadda yadda.

Voldemort does not need Botox.

Professor Dumbledore does not need Viagra.

As I am not a licensed Mediwitch, I am to refrain from providing said treatments, especially without the knowledge and/or consent of my "patients."




griffen's addenda-


I am not allowed to discuss my theory that Voldemort is actually the second cousin of Sauron.

Leaving a vase filled with pussy willow buds on Professor McGonnagall's desk will result in a week's detention.

I will not paint the Mirror of Erised black in order to use it as a scrying tool.

I will not ask if the Chocolate Frogs were raised in spring water and then lightly killed.

I will not wear a corset and fishnets under my Gryffindor house robes.

- I will not speculate as to whether Professor Snape wears them under his robes, either.

- Nor will I check to see for myself.

I will not take dares involving long jumps and the tower stairway.

I will not attempt to graft a transplant from the Whomping Willow onto the Hogwarts Christmas Tree in Herbology class.

I will not insist that Voldemort's castle is actually a large house between two hills in a country I found in the wardrobe.

I will not reset Hermione's Time Turner to Daylight Savings Time.

I will not ask if Dobby's father is named Elrond.

- Nor will I ask if Professor Flitwick had an uncle named Bilbo or a cousin named Frodo.

Professor Snape's real name is not "Galstaff, Sorcerer of Light".

I will not tell first years that they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.

I will not douse Harry Potter's Invisibility Cloak with lemon juice to see if he will become visible when wearing it and standing near the fire in the Common Room.

I will not hum "The Origin Of Love" near Hedwig's perch.

- Nor will I spread rumors that Hedwig is actually John Cameron Mitchell's animagus form.

- Or call Hedwig "Hansel."

I will not demonstrate how to juggle using two Bludgers and the Snitch.

I will not perform rituals involving first years as human sacrifices.

- Not even if it means the difference between passing my OWLs and failing them.

I will not write forged letters home to the parents of Muggleborn first years detailing the Satanic rituals they are learning.

I will not tell Muggleborn first years that it's all right to use a graphing calculator in Arithmancy class.

Under no circumstances will I use Ralph Blum's The Book Of Runes as a reference for my Ancient Runes papers.

I will not claim that Professor McGonagall is a Bene Gesserit witch.

I will not tell first years that Moon Prism Power is a basic Transfiguration spell.

- Moon Tiara Magic is not a proper spell, either.

I will remember that Voldemort is not half Ferengi.

- Or half Romulan.

I will not check Professor McGonagall's blood for copper content, nor the tips of her ears for points.

I will not ask Dobby why he doesn't look more like Orlando Bloom.

- Nor will I ask him if he works for Santa Claus in the off-season.

I will not leave my Potions Class project in the Slytherin Common Room in a bottle marked "absinthe."

I will not tell first years that Insomnius! is a sleeping spell.

I will not ask Professor Snape what kind of makeup he uses to hide his reptilian complexion.

I will not replace first years' Bertie Botts' Beans with Mexican jumping beans.

It is not permissible to swing Professor Flitwick around by his feet and throw him out of the garden.





carla_scribbles's addenda-


I will not invite Professor Snape to a midnight showing of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show".

-The same goes double for Voldemort.

-Likewise, I will no longer be permitted to refer to Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix Lestrange as Riff Raff and Magenta.

-Especially to their faces.

Hermione's name is not Willow, and I will therefore refrain from coercing her and Ginny Weasley to perform any spells that require the participants to hold hands. Should circumstances require this to take place anyway, I will try my best not to giggle.

During Divinations classes, I will refrain if at all possible from speaking in tongues.

I will not challenge Umbridge to a tap-dancing contest. Neither will I ask her if she knows the Hedgehog Song.

-If she does not, I will refrain from singing it to her.

House-elves are not my own personal basketballs. Neither are first years.





Nightspore's addenda-


I will not tell Wormtail that his silver hand looks "groovy", nor will I encourage him to replace it with a Muggle chainsaw.

The Slytherin house badge has nothing to do with the Auryn.

I am not one of the 110 types of Rhinovirus Animagus; and even if I were, it would be cheating to win a Wizard's Duel by transforming.

If Lupin requests something of me, it is considered very rude to refuse by replying, "Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!"

"Dr Mordrid" is not an educational film.

I am not allowed to shout, "Boy howdy, when did the circus train pull into town?" when the new Profs. are introduced.

Chocolate frogs do not come in "crunchy".

I will not set up a blind date between Dumbledore and that Nimue chick.

I will not tell any Weasley that porn is "hilarious", nor will I insist that it is "crucial".

No matter how badly she botches that potion, I shall not refer to Hermione as "Pussy Galore".

I will promise to stop intoning, "Believe it . . . or not!" after Dumbledore's speeches.

The Necronomicon Ex Mortuus is not the wizardly version of the Kama Sutra.

No spitting in the Pensieve.

G. G. Allen is not the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.

No one is bogarting my mandrake, dude.

I will stop pestering Professor Flitwick about ioun stones, Prismatic Spray, and any type of fireballs.

No, that is not the main ingredient in Pixie Stix, and I am not to imply that it is so.

R'lyeh is not located under the Lake.

Bringing fortune cookies to Diviniation class does not count for extra credit.

"Blast-ended skrewt" is not synonomous with crayfish/crawdad/mudbug/freshwater lobster, and I am not to suggest so to the House Elves when they have gumbo on the menu.

That glowing green potion I mixed up does not re-animate the dead.

I will stop pasting happy face stickers on Lupin's office door.

"Dead Man's Party" is a kickass song but probably not appropriate for a Deathday celebration. Ditto "No One Lives Forever".

Hermione, Luna and Ginny are not my Angels.

Sufficently advanced technology is not indistinguishable from magic.

I will not address Hagrid as "Groundskeeper Willie".

I will not ask Firenze if he can get me Mr. Ed's autograph.

-Further, I will keep all "hung like a horse" jokes to myself in Diviniation class.

I will not detonate Squibs.

Puzzleboxes are to be solved on my own time.

I will stop asking if Draco is related to Andy Warhol.

I will not teach the veela the lyrics to "Oops, I Did It Again" even if they ask nicely.

And lastly, I will not use the time turner to go into the past and seduce my father, thereby ceasing to exist, which means I could not have gone into the past and seduced my father, which means I do exist, which means I can go back and . . . oh, nevermind.







origami_angel's addenda


Draco Malfoy does not appreciate being called 'Ferret Boy'

-Or 'The Blond Boy Wonder'

Voldemort is not my 'sugar daddy', and I should not refer to him as such.

-Nor is Professor Snape.

-Or Lucius Malfoy.

Putting any male Slytherin into a broom closet with a male Gryffindor will not result in 'hot man sex'.

-Nor will putting any female students together result in 'hot lesbian sex'.

-I should stop trying this theory.

Hagrid's skin is not green and I should stop calling him 'The Jolly Green Giant.'

Professor Dumbledore does not care about which students I have 'got into the sack.'

-Nor does Profesdor McGonagall. Or Snape.

-Or any Professor for that matter.

Harry, Hermione and Ron do not 'get it on' in the Room of Requirement and I should stop telling everyone that they do.

-Even if they actually are.

Trevor The Toad is not an animagus and I should stop telling Neville to 'watch out for the evil Toad man!'

Sending love notes to Professor Snape and signing them 'With Love, Draco Malfoy' is not appropriate.

-Neither is signing them with: 'I had a great time last night, Argus Filch.'

Kicking Mrs. Norris is frowned upon.

-As is kicking Professor McGonagall in her cat form.

-Must stop doing this.

I will not tell first years that Hagrid will eat them if they get too close to his hut.

-Must not tell them that Fang will eat them either.

Breaking into song during Potions class is not acceptable.

-Especially if the song is 'I feel pretty, oh so pretty'.

Or 'I'm too sexy'.

Seamus Finnegan is not 'after me lucky charms'.

-Nor does he care to 'get in my pants'.

-Should refrain from saying so around him.

I am not a 'ninja sent here by Lord Voldemort to destroy Harry Potter' and should stop shouting this at meal times.

Lucius Malfoy's cane is not a 'pimp cane' and I should stop asking if I can be his ho.

Telling Ron Weasley that Fred and George 'are great in the sack' is not appropriate conversation.

-Especially when sitting at the table at The Burrow.

-Especially during the presence of Mrs. or Mr. Weasley.




Veleda's addenda-

I will not check to see if Hedwig has an "angry inch."

My name is not "The Dark Lord Happy-Pants" and I am not allowed to sign my papers as such.

My name is not an unforgivable curse.





origami_angel's codicils to WonderSheep's "Stop asking Hannah Abbot if her milkshake brings boys to the yard."

-Also, don't ask this of Susan Bones.

-Or of any female Hufflepuff.




Conuly's addendum-


I must not steal the caroc tarot cards to play Cripple Mr. Onion.





Kelvin P.'s addendum and codicil-


I will not replace Professor Trelawny's tarot deck with an MTG starter deck.

- Nor will I tell first years that MTG cards are "wizardry aids".





innostrantsa's addendum and codicil-

I will not set up a Celebrity Deathmatch between Professor McGonagall and Granny Weatherwax, even if I can get Mills Lane to referee.

-or a pudding-wrestling match, either.


Send any future contributions to ladylilyfox@yahoo.com.


ETA:Appendix C


ETA:Appendix D