50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts
Appendix A
Appendix B
1. I will not cast Magic Missile at anyone. Not even into the darkness.
2. Worshipping Boccob will not give me a +2 on spellcraft.
3. I will not "forget" to wear a bra in Mad-Eye Moody's class.
4. Harry Potter is not Tim Hunter.
5. In Divination class: I will not say that I see Death...and that she is a hot goth chick.
6. I can have one rat familiar. Not two. Not a small army that I can train to tear things up.
7. Telling my rat familiar that "I hate everyone but you" is very likely to creep people out.
8. Likewise, my rat familiar will not turn into Crispin Glover. It is more likely that he will turn into Peter Pettigrew.
9. I will not say sympathetically to Professor Snape, "Brain the size of a planet...and they ask you to teach Potions class."
10. Economics is not actually "black magic". It is, in fact, not magic at all.
11. The song "Helter Skelter" does not refer to Lord Voldemort in any way.
12. It is NOT cool to get a Dark Mark tattoo on the small of my back when I am drunk.
13. Ozzy Osbourne is not really the Dark Lord.
14. Slash from Guns 'N' Roses is not a Parseltongue, no matter how many snakes he has.
15. Jimmy Page isn't really a wizard, even if his guitar licks "couldn't possibly be done by a Muggle."
16. "Stairway to Heaven" is not a prophecy, it is just a rock song.
17. I will not serenade guests from Durmstrang with Led Zeppelin's "Immigrant Song."
18. The Wyrd Sisters are not emo.
19. There is no such thing as "the Chamber of Double Secret Probation."
20. Zit impressions are not welcome at the dining hall, as they scare the house-elves.
21. Getting my little brother to record his latest thrashcore masterpiece on a Howler so I can listen to it is a good idea in theory, but not in concept.
22. I cannot magically send Livejournal updates through parchment.
23. Emoticons are not Runes.
24. I do not have a Pikachu Patronus, no matter how kickass that would be.
25. I do not have a character sheet.
26. I do not get experience points for knocking out monsters.
27. No matter how creepy and abandoned some of the towers are, I will not find Johnny Depp with scissors for hands in any of them.
28. Real wizards laugh at Gerald Gardner. I will not attempt to invoke his authority on anything.
29. There are no magical Instant Messaging services.
30. I cannot get credit in Ancient Runes for knowing BASIC, no matter how long it's been in use.
31. My ex-girlfriend does not go to Hogwarts, no matter how much of a witch she is. (I hope she doesn't. Otherwise I'd feel silly.)
32. Getting "Slytherin" on every online sorting test you ever took does not mean that you will actually get into Slytherin.
33. I will not ask for a transfer if I get into a house I don't like.
34. There is no GSA on campus. (Yet!)
35. "Sheket la-baka sha!" is not a good spell to make somebody shut up and sit down.
36. The ducks are not my minions, no matter how much bread I feed them.
37. Same goes for the squirrels.
38. Yoko Ono is not the Dark Lord.
39. I do not have to choose a major.
40. I cannot stay an extra four years for graduate school.
41. I will not attempt to magically animate my marshmallow Peeps.
42. I will not attempt to create Happy Noodle Boy by animating a packet of ramen.
43. Trying to make a Jhonen Vasquez comic into one of those nifty moving pictures is more disturbing than clever.
44. I will not get you, my pretty. And your little dog too!
45. I do not get any flying monkeys when I graduate.
46. Green face paint does not "help me channel my inner witch."
47. Ruby slippers do nothing unless specifically enchanted.
48. I will not call any of my teachers "Glinda."
49. Astronomy class is not an appropriate venue to contact aliens.
50. Credits earned at Hogwarts will not transfer to Miskatonic University.
Send any future contributions to ladylilyfox@yahoo.com.
A reminder:![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
waywardoctagon has been doing a great job coming up with graphics for The 50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts Cafepress Store. But we're asking for input! There are far too many excellent addenda to fit on the back of one shirt, so we'll be doing different editions. We could just call them "More things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts", "Further things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts", "Revenge things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts", "Bride of things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts"... but I'm sure some of you clever folk can think of something funnier!
ETA:Appendix D
Appendix A
Appendix B
1. I will not cast Magic Missile at anyone. Not even into the darkness.
2. Worshipping Boccob will not give me a +2 on spellcraft.
3. I will not "forget" to wear a bra in Mad-Eye Moody's class.
4. Harry Potter is not Tim Hunter.
5. In Divination class: I will not say that I see Death...and that she is a hot goth chick.
6. I can have one rat familiar. Not two. Not a small army that I can train to tear things up.
7. Telling my rat familiar that "I hate everyone but you" is very likely to creep people out.
8. Likewise, my rat familiar will not turn into Crispin Glover. It is more likely that he will turn into Peter Pettigrew.
9. I will not say sympathetically to Professor Snape, "Brain the size of a planet...and they ask you to teach Potions class."
10. Economics is not actually "black magic". It is, in fact, not magic at all.
11. The song "Helter Skelter" does not refer to Lord Voldemort in any way.
12. It is NOT cool to get a Dark Mark tattoo on the small of my back when I am drunk.
13. Ozzy Osbourne is not really the Dark Lord.
14. Slash from Guns 'N' Roses is not a Parseltongue, no matter how many snakes he has.
15. Jimmy Page isn't really a wizard, even if his guitar licks "couldn't possibly be done by a Muggle."
16. "Stairway to Heaven" is not a prophecy, it is just a rock song.
17. I will not serenade guests from Durmstrang with Led Zeppelin's "Immigrant Song."
18. The Wyrd Sisters are not emo.
19. There is no such thing as "the Chamber of Double Secret Probation."
20. Zit impressions are not welcome at the dining hall, as they scare the house-elves.
21. Getting my little brother to record his latest thrashcore masterpiece on a Howler so I can listen to it is a good idea in theory, but not in concept.
22. I cannot magically send Livejournal updates through parchment.
23. Emoticons are not Runes.
24. I do not have a Pikachu Patronus, no matter how kickass that would be.
25. I do not have a character sheet.
26. I do not get experience points for knocking out monsters.
27. No matter how creepy and abandoned some of the towers are, I will not find Johnny Depp with scissors for hands in any of them.
28. Real wizards laugh at Gerald Gardner. I will not attempt to invoke his authority on anything.
29. There are no magical Instant Messaging services.
30. I cannot get credit in Ancient Runes for knowing BASIC, no matter how long it's been in use.
31. My ex-girlfriend does not go to Hogwarts, no matter how much of a witch she is. (I hope she doesn't. Otherwise I'd feel silly.)
32. Getting "Slytherin" on every online sorting test you ever took does not mean that you will actually get into Slytherin.
33. I will not ask for a transfer if I get into a house I don't like.
34. There is no GSA on campus. (Yet!)
35. "Sheket la-baka sha!" is not a good spell to make somebody shut up and sit down.
36. The ducks are not my minions, no matter how much bread I feed them.
37. Same goes for the squirrels.
38. Yoko Ono is not the Dark Lord.
39. I do not have to choose a major.
40. I cannot stay an extra four years for graduate school.
41. I will not attempt to magically animate my marshmallow Peeps.
42. I will not attempt to create Happy Noodle Boy by animating a packet of ramen.
43. Trying to make a Jhonen Vasquez comic into one of those nifty moving pictures is more disturbing than clever.
44. I will not get you, my pretty. And your little dog too!
45. I do not get any flying monkeys when I graduate.
46. Green face paint does not "help me channel my inner witch."
47. Ruby slippers do nothing unless specifically enchanted.
48. I will not call any of my teachers "Glinda."
49. Astronomy class is not an appropriate venue to contact aliens.
50. Credits earned at Hogwarts will not transfer to Miskatonic University.
Send any future contributions to ladylilyfox@yahoo.com.
A reminder:
waywardoctagon has been doing a great job coming up with graphics for The 50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts Cafepress Store. But we're asking for input! There are far too many excellent addenda to fit on the back of one shirt, so we'll be doing different editions. We could just call them "More things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts", "Further things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts", "Revenge things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts", "Bride of things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts"... but I'm sure some of you clever folk can think of something funnier!ETA:Appendix D
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