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Atalanta Pendragonne
atalantapendrag
30 April 2005 @ 03:32 am
"50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts", Appendix G  
50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts

Appendix A

Appendix B

Appendix C: 50 Things Kleenexwoman, 12th level chaotic neutral mage, is not allowed to do at Hogwarts


Appendix E: 101 things haldirsbitch is not allowed to do at Hogwarts

Appendix D

Appendix F

ETA:Appendix H: Still more Errata, Yet more Addenda







Errata [warning- don't even think of clicking these links at work!]-

Not allowed to make side trips to Deva on Hogsmeade weekends.

We are not "one of the fun mystical orders".

The Giant Squid is not interested in "tentacoo wape".

Hogwarts was not designed by Grimtooth.

"Fap fap fap" is not a mystical incantation.

-"Shlick shlick shlick" isn't, either.

-Not even if you claim to be doing a tantric ritual.

Must not put in one blue contact lens and one green one and follow Luna Lovegood around.






text_eva's codicils-


"Oo ee, oo ah ah, ting tang, walla walla bing bang" is not an actual spell.

-Attempting to say it backwards is also not a spell.

-Teaching it to Peeves will get me a detention.

Must not ask Bill Weasley where else he's pierced.

-and certainly not ask to see it.

-And if it do see it, I must take photos.

-I must not post said photos in the common room.

The First Years are not 'pledges' and they do not need 'hazing'. (Megalomaniageek)

- Might still do it anyway.

- Might use this list as a guide

Don't give shampoo to Snape every Christmas. (Megalomaniageek)

- If you insist, at least don't put your name on it.

- Or someone elses. Especially if it rhymes in "otter"

Draco Malfoy's name is not Westley, nor the Dread Pirate Roberts, and I should stop referring to him as such. (ebilleprechaun)

-I must not set ROUS size on him to test this.

-Unless he is willing to jump down a hill screaming "Asss yoooou wiiiiisssshhhh"




writers_wrath's addenda-


Shouting 'Crucio' at students while brandishing a quill/pencil isn't remotely funny."

Sir Cadogan is not one of the knights who say "NI".





snowelf's addenda-


My grandfather is not Death, and I am not allowed to telly anyone he is.

- Even if it's true.

Skeletons' ribs are not xylophones.

I am allowed a cat, a rat, a frog or an owl, not a Swamp Dragon.

Trying to bribe the librarian with bananas will not get me into the restricted section.




Megalomaniageek's addenda-


"Shpadoinkle" is not a spell.

Snape's ingredient cabinet/closet is not filled with yummy candy, and I should stop telling the first years that it is.

- moreso, it is not filled with any kind of drug.

I am not to make hundreds of muggle inside jokes to witches and wizards who will not get them.

- Especially if they are offensive and/or suggestive

- Yes, this does include introducing yourself to Harry (or anybody else for that matter) as Mary Sue.

Breaking the fourth wall is unacceptable behavior

Upon gaining prefect status, I am not to use my new powers to get any of the following: somebody to do my homework for me, sexual favors (giving and/or receiving), added titles to my name (Princess, Goddess, Her Highness, Dark Lordess, etc.), human shields, and/or somebody else's power of attorney.

Draco Malfoy is not really a 'girl down there' and saying so is wrong.

- checking is worse

The '99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall' song is over when I enter Hogwarts.

- Even if I forgot on the train, started late, and am only at 97.

- Changing what is in the bottles doesn't make it better.

I must resist the urge to use Human Transfiguration for evil. I really, really must.

Making a Polyjuice Potion and going up to the person I've turned into to make them go crazy/act like a walking mirror is not funny.

- Doing bad things in their body to incriminate them isn't either (Especially going as Harry, Draco, or Ron to hit on one of the other two).







Send any future contributions to ladylilyfox@yahoo.com.


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The 50 Things Annex

Be sure to take a look at [info]hpdmslashlp's Fifty (or so) things Not Allowed at Hogwarts also!
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( 23 comments — Post a new comment )
Buffay the Vampyre Layer: Quote from SBP[info]guest_age on May 1st, 2005 11:03 pm (UTC)
Hehehe. That last one is hilarious. I've always wondered what would happen if someone Polyjuiced themselves into someone and hit on someone who the original person (the one that Person A Polyjuiced themselves into) would not want to be flirting with...oh, the possibilities for stupid fics.

Perhaps you should ammend that to include "Nor will I write fics in which said situation occurs."

Hehehe.
Atalanta Pendragonne[info]atalantapendrag on May 1st, 2005 11:32 pm (UTC)
*cough* I'm collaborating on a Polyjuice fic right now...
Buffay the Vampyre Layer: Big Star 2[info]guest_age on May 3rd, 2005 12:34 am (UTC)
Really? When it's finished can I read it? :-)
Atalanta Pendragonne[info]atalantapendrag on May 3rd, 2005 02:43 am (UTC)
As long as my collaborator has no objection, I'll be posting it in my own journal and any relevant communities I can find.
Buffay the Vampyre Layer: Adam Brody[info]guest_age on May 5th, 2005 01:07 am (UTC)
Goodie! Who's in it? :-)
Atalanta Pendragonne: vincentwillow[info]atalantapendrag on May 5th, 2005 01:28 am (UTC)
*g* don't want you to get all worked up with details, major time zone issues mean progress may be slow.


I will tell you that, like much of my recent fic, Percy is in it.
Buffay the Vampyre Layer: Goblet of Fire[info]guest_age on May 31st, 2005 11:52 am (UTC)
I love Percy. :-) I've read too much of [info]icarusancalion's stuff not to. ;-D
J.K. Chase[info]liasyuimackwell on May 2nd, 2005 12:39 am (UTC)
Mine
I will not use the Imperius curse pn Professor Snape forcing him to go about in a French Maid's outfit.
- Or fishnets, stilletos and a corset.

I will not teach Harry and Draco how to sing "Party For Two".

I will not invite Ron Weasley to visit the home of my Muggle family for a private screening of "Eight Legged Freaks."
Atalanta Pendragonne[info]atalantapendrag on May 2nd, 2005 12:59 am (UTC)
Re: Mine
Great addenda! How would you like to be credited?
J.K. Chase[info]liasyuimackwell on May 4th, 2005 10:16 pm (UTC)
Re: Mine
Please.^^
Just call me Hef...[info]seawolf10 on May 3rd, 2005 10:44 pm (UTC)
Not allowed to introduce myself to the first years as "Tim the Enchanter."

No calling Draco "the foulest, most vicious rodent ever to walk the earth."

Under no circumstances am I to attempt to create a Holy Hand Grenade.

---
Three guesses what movie we're watching in British Literature class... :)
Atalanta Pendragonne[info]atalantapendrag on May 3rd, 2005 11:06 pm (UTC)
Dead over #2.

Credit as [info]seawolf10, or something else?
Just call me Hef...[info]seawolf10 on May 4th, 2005 06:07 am (UTC)
As far as crediting goes, seawolf10 is fine.

Oh, and thank you for the link to Sexy Losers-was reading through it earlier and about died laughing.
Ling: I told you I was hardcore![info]lingzer0 on May 7th, 2005 12:04 am (UTC)
If new suggestions are still welcome?

-I am under no circumstances allowed to submit Severus Snape to "What Not To Wear."
--Nor any other makeover show.
--Nor am I allowed to submit any of the Hogwarts staff or students.
-I will not hide Hermione Granger's copy of Hogwarts, A History.
-Shouting, "VOLDEMORT VOLDEMORT VOLDEMORT!" at the top of my lungs in the Great Hall will earn me a detention.
-I am not to write love letters to Harry Potter signed, "Draco Malfoy."
--In fact, I am not to write love letters to anyone signed with someone else's name.
James Summers[info]berminhs on May 11th, 2005 09:35 am (UTC)
This is absolutely brilliant. I've been laughing my head off for about an hour now. If new suggestions are still welcome...

I cannot Impress a Hungarian Horntail
- Not even if I feed it till it sleeps
- Especialy not if I feed it first years

I will not refer to Gryffindors as 'Red Shirted Ensigns'
- Nor will I suggest that their only purpose is as Cannon Fodder/Alien Bait

I will not try and start 'Naked Thursdays' in the Common Room
- Not even if I buy a 'foosball' table.

I am not allowed to wear all my housemates robes at the same time
- Especially not if I insist on going commando.

I do not have a 'Stone of Recall' that will get me out of any situation.
- That includes detention

I do not own any items that confer Immunity:Death Magic
- Not even if I stole it off Harry Potter
- I do not own an Immunity:Detention item either

I will not tell first years that Terry Prattchet books are historical non-fiction
- I may not hide them in the non-fiction sections of the library either
- Nor will I tell tham that the Unseen University is Hogwart's sister school in America. Or anywhere else.

I am not to refer to Crabbe and Goyle as having 'the brains of a stuffed iguana'
- Even if they ask 'what's an iguana?'

Calling Ron 'Dave' the entire time is not funny
- Even if everyone else starts doing it too

I am not allowed to say "I have an IQ of 6000, that's the same as 6000 Hufflepuffs"
- Even if I'm a Ravenclaw

I cannot try to breed a sentient life form out of my cat.
- Not even if I claim it's a Care of Magical Creatures project
- Especially not if I want to use Hermoine or McGonnagal as breeding stock.

I am not allowed to refer to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named as 'Moldimort'
- Or a Sith Lord

Sending Draco K-Y jelly and labeling it 'meet me in the astronomy tower, Harry' is not funny.
- Nor is sending it to Harry and labeling it from Draco
- I am not allowed to send anyone K-Y jelly.
Atalanta Pendragonne[info]atalantapendrag on May 11th, 2005 03:26 pm (UTC)
I'll be compiling addenda as long as people keep submitting them! These are really fantastic. I think that's our first Pern joke, and high time! What name should I credit you under?
James Summers[info]berminhs on May 16th, 2005 12:39 pm (UTC)
Jim is fine *g*. I could give you hundreds of Pern ones, though you probably wouldn't appreciate most of them ;-)
Atalanta Pendragonne[info]atalantapendrag on May 16th, 2005 03:51 pm (UTC)
*snicker* I was very fond of Pern for a while, although I was never really in the fandom.
James Summers[info]berminhs on May 16th, 2005 08:22 pm (UTC)
I could actualy do a list like this one for one of the Pern PBEMs I'm in. 50 things I am not allowed to do at Arolos Weyr...
Atalanta Pendragonne[info]atalantapendrag on May 16th, 2005 08:51 pm (UTC)
Do it! I'd love to see it.
Of possible interest[info]malabar on June 1st, 2005 12:48 pm (UTC)
I must not report Hogwarts to the EPA for flushing raw sewage into the lake

I must not try to work out the Galleon/pound sterling exchange rate by relying on the price of Quidditch Through the Ages

I must not write gratuitous crossovers between Hogwarts and every other fictional universe that might be vaguely familiar to Harry Potter readers

Atalanta Pendragonne[info]atalantapendrag on June 1st, 2005 06:57 pm (UTC)
I must not write gratuitous crossovers between Hogwarts and every other fictional universe that might be vaguely familiar to Harry Potter readers

Well, there goes the whole list *g*

Do you want to be credited as [info]malabar, or a different name?
Of possible interest[info]malabar on June 2nd, 2005 10:58 am (UTC)
Yes, it's all postmodern, isn't it? ;)

Malabar is fine, thanks. Good on you for dealing with all of this stuff; it must take up a lot of your time and energy...