50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts
Appendix A: Addenda and Errata
Appendix B
Appendix C: 50 Things Kleenexwoman, 12th level chaotic neutral mage, is not allowed to do at Hogwarts
Appendix D
Appendix E: 101 things haldirsbitch is not allowed to do at Hogwarts
Appendix F
Appendix G: Yet More Errata and Even More Addenda
Appendix H: Still more Errata, Yet more Addenda
Appendix I
ETA:Appendix K
Errata-
I will not ask Alastor Moody to demonstrate the literal meaning of squick.
There will never be a Potions class on the makings of the pills of white mercury.
I am not a Pinball Wizard.
Professor Snape does not want to "slip slip slip" into a "little black dress".
It is not necessary for me to yell "BAMF!" every time I Apparate.
Adrienne's addenda-
I will never, ever ask Professor Lupin if he wants to star in "A British Werewolf in Paris".
- Or the remake of "The Wolf Man".
- I will definitely not ask him if he starred in the movie, "Curse of the Queerwolf".
- Or Underworld and Van Helsing.
- Basically, any movies with werewolves in them.
I will not ask Professor Snape if he was in "Interview With An Vampire".
- Or the inspiration behind Anne Rice's work.
- Or have a bet among the Muggleborn students about which vampire Professor Snape best resembles.
- Not even if I donate the winnings to the Hogwarts Faculty.
I will not ask Sirius Black to star in "The Dogfather".
- Or if he has ever considered building a career that will rival Lassie's.
I will not ask Professor Snape if he is really the Voice of God or the Devil.
- Nor will I ask him if tights pinch horribly.
- I will also not ask him to show me.
I will not ask Professor Snape why on earth would any movie directors cast him as himself in Rasputin and again in Galaxy Quest.
- With no makeup.
Replying every question that Professor Lupin asks with, "Are you fucking Sirius?" is not funny, not even the first time.
- Except when he answers, "Yes" before catching on.
- Bonus points if he blushes.
Coming to class and seeing the same Professors everytime does not entitle you to shout, "There is a blip in the Matrix."
- Nor should you say "Deja-vu" at any time.
- Nor offer the choice of two pills to any students.
Asking Tonks for a demonstration on how fast she can change looks is just plain cruel and evil.
- That goes as well for asking her to change to Marilyn Monroe or Jenna Jameson before having sex.
Doing something bad then waving your arms at the Professor who caught you while saying, "I did nothing wrong here." does not work.
- Not even with the real spells because, let's face it. You're not powerful enough.
Speaking like Yoda, does not a happy Professor make.
- Funny, it is not.
Saying "Aren't you a little short for a Professor?" to Flitwick is generally not a good idea.
- I will try hard not to snigger at Flitwick's imagined response, "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"
I will not ask Professor McGonagall if there's anything underneath her kilt.
- Or Oliver Wood, for that matter.
I will also not ask Professor McGonagall if she was in "Josie and the Pussycats".
In no way am I to address Professor McGonagall as "Here, kitty, kitty."
- Or dangle a mouse in front of her and say, "Come and get it."
- Or say, "Time for your bathtime, kitty cat."
I will not ask the Weasley Twins and Lee Jordan if "Three Men and a Baby" was based on their real-life account.
I will not matchmake up both the Weasley and Patil twins with the other.
- Without their consent.
- And forced on a double date.
- For the whole school to see.
angelbot's addenda-
I am not allowed to switch the Hogwarts Express with the Magic School Bus.
-Even if it would be educational for the Hogwarts students.
-Even if it would be educational for Ms. Frizzle's class, too.
-No matter how closely related Ms. Frizzle is to the Weasleys.
I am not allowed to attempt to breed a liger.
No matter how abnormal his profits are, Bill Gates is only a financial wizard.
-Although he is odd enough.
-And the presence of a Chart Wizard on Microsoft Excel is entirely coincidental.
Snape does not believe in anything in a young girl's heart.
PeaKingDuck's addenda-
When surrounded by Deatheaters I will not brandish my wand like a sword and shout 'Aye! Avast!'.
-Because that would just be stupid.
I can not sing the 'everyone else has had more sex than me' song at the top of my lungs in the prefects' bathroom.
-Even though it's very funny and I'm the only one who understand the words.
Proclaiming 'Come on Mr.Frodo. I cannot carry it for you, but I can carry you!' and slinging a fellow student over my shoulder is not something I should do.
It's Voldemort. Not Voldy, Moldyvort, Old Moldy Voldywart, Baldyvort, Fuglymort, He-Who-Is-Horrificly-Maimed, He-Who-Can-Not-Be-Tamed, Fernaando the Daaahk One, Rehab John or GwumpyWumpy McSnakelypants.
If you refuse to say anything but 'Do they Gandalf?' you are liable to get hexed.
Despite the fact that it almost drives me insane when I resist, I must not shout 'YUGIOH!' in class.
-Or ever.
Professor Snape is always pissy. It is not my civic duty to cheer him up.
-Slinging my arm around his shoulder and saying 'Who's a gwumpy beawr?' is a phenominaly stupid idea.
-As is saying; 'S'matter Sev? Lucius not putting out?'
-Unless of course, I want to die.
Draco Malfoy. Not Swiper the Sneaky Ferret.
-If I thrust my hand out at him and shout 'Swiper no Swiping!' three times he will just look at me funny.
-'Swiper no Swiping' is not an incantation anyway. It really only works on me.
minkhollow's addenda-
The Astronomy Tower is not the Dark Tower. Nor are any of the others.
I will not try to convince non-Muggleborn students that Monty Python was some random Parselmouth.
Death Eaters are not called Death Eaters because they serve it as a meal (or, death is not in fact what's for dinner).
The Forbidden Forest is not the Pointless Forest.
My school trunk is not made of sapient pearwood, and I cannot sic it on people I don't like.
Jumping up on a table during dinner and singing "La Vie Boheme" is more likely to confuse my enemies than chase them out of the Great Hall. Besides, I probably won't have anyone else join in, which takes some of the fun out of it.
I will not, when the end of the year rolls around, attempt to convince the first-years they owe me a year's worth of rent if they want to stay in the dorm next year.
Send any future contributions to ladylilyfox@yahoo.com.
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waterofthemoon has made a wonderful set of "50 Things" icons. Check them out!
The "50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts" CafePress store
The 50 Things Annex
The 50 Things One-Liners Store! Got a favorite to suggest? Comment or email! If it's from the addenda, please name the contributor.
And visit the all-new 50 Things Storm Cellar, with new graphics bywaywardoctagon!
Appendix A: Addenda and Errata
Appendix B
Appendix C: 50 Things Kleenexwoman, 12th level chaotic neutral mage, is not allowed to do at Hogwarts
Appendix D
Appendix E: 101 things haldirsbitch is not allowed to do at Hogwarts
Appendix F
Appendix G: Yet More Errata and Even More Addenda
Appendix H: Still more Errata, Yet more Addenda
Appendix I
ETA:Appendix K
Errata-
I will not ask Alastor Moody to demonstrate the literal meaning of squick.
There will never be a Potions class on the makings of the pills of white mercury.
I am not a Pinball Wizard.
Professor Snape does not want to "slip slip slip" into a "little black dress".
It is not necessary for me to yell "BAMF!" every time I Apparate.
Adrienne's addenda-
I will never, ever ask Professor Lupin if he wants to star in "A British Werewolf in Paris".
- Or the remake of "The Wolf Man".
- I will definitely not ask him if he starred in the movie, "Curse of the Queerwolf".
- Or Underworld and Van Helsing.
- Basically, any movies with werewolves in them.
I will not ask Professor Snape if he was in "Interview With An Vampire".
- Or the inspiration behind Anne Rice's work.
- Or have a bet among the Muggleborn students about which vampire Professor Snape best resembles.
- Not even if I donate the winnings to the Hogwarts Faculty.
I will not ask Sirius Black to star in "The Dogfather".
- Or if he has ever considered building a career that will rival Lassie's.
I will not ask Professor Snape if he is really the Voice of God or the Devil.
- Nor will I ask him if tights pinch horribly.
- I will also not ask him to show me.
I will not ask Professor Snape why on earth would any movie directors cast him as himself in Rasputin and again in Galaxy Quest.
- With no makeup.
Replying every question that Professor Lupin asks with, "Are you fucking Sirius?" is not funny, not even the first time.
- Except when he answers, "Yes" before catching on.
- Bonus points if he blushes.
Coming to class and seeing the same Professors everytime does not entitle you to shout, "There is a blip in the Matrix."
- Nor should you say "Deja-vu" at any time.
- Nor offer the choice of two pills to any students.
Asking Tonks for a demonstration on how fast she can change looks is just plain cruel and evil.
- That goes as well for asking her to change to Marilyn Monroe or Jenna Jameson before having sex.
Doing something bad then waving your arms at the Professor who caught you while saying, "I did nothing wrong here." does not work.
- Not even with the real spells because, let's face it. You're not powerful enough.
Speaking like Yoda, does not a happy Professor make.
- Funny, it is not.
Saying "Aren't you a little short for a Professor?" to Flitwick is generally not a good idea.
- I will try hard not to snigger at Flitwick's imagined response, "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"
I will not ask Professor McGonagall if there's anything underneath her kilt.
- Or Oliver Wood, for that matter.
I will also not ask Professor McGonagall if she was in "Josie and the Pussycats".
In no way am I to address Professor McGonagall as "Here, kitty, kitty."
- Or dangle a mouse in front of her and say, "Come and get it."
- Or say, "Time for your bathtime, kitty cat."
I will not ask the Weasley Twins and Lee Jordan if "Three Men and a Baby" was based on their real-life account.
I will not matchmake up both the Weasley and Patil twins with the other.
- Without their consent.
- And forced on a double date.
- For the whole school to see.
angelbot's addenda-
I am not allowed to switch the Hogwarts Express with the Magic School Bus.
-Even if it would be educational for the Hogwarts students.
-Even if it would be educational for Ms. Frizzle's class, too.
-No matter how closely related Ms. Frizzle is to the Weasleys.
I am not allowed to attempt to breed a liger.
No matter how abnormal his profits are, Bill Gates is only a financial wizard.
-Although he is odd enough.
-And the presence of a Chart Wizard on Microsoft Excel is entirely coincidental.
Snape does not believe in anything in a young girl's heart.
PeaKingDuck's addenda-
When surrounded by Deatheaters I will not brandish my wand like a sword and shout 'Aye! Avast!'.
-Because that would just be stupid.
I can not sing the 'everyone else has had more sex than me' song at the top of my lungs in the prefects' bathroom.
-Even though it's very funny and I'm the only one who understand the words.
Proclaiming 'Come on Mr.Frodo. I cannot carry it for you, but I can carry you!' and slinging a fellow student over my shoulder is not something I should do.
It's Voldemort. Not Voldy, Moldyvort, Old Moldy Voldywart, Baldyvort, Fuglymort, He-Who-Is-Horrificly-Maimed, He-Who-Can-Not-Be-Tamed, Fernaando the Daaahk One, Rehab John or GwumpyWumpy McSnakelypants.
If you refuse to say anything but 'Do they Gandalf?' you are liable to get hexed.
Despite the fact that it almost drives me insane when I resist, I must not shout 'YUGIOH!' in class.
-Or ever.
Professor Snape is always pissy. It is not my civic duty to cheer him up.
-Slinging my arm around his shoulder and saying 'Who's a gwumpy beawr?' is a phenominaly stupid idea.
-As is saying; 'S'matter Sev? Lucius not putting out?'
-Unless of course, I want to die.
Draco Malfoy. Not Swiper the Sneaky Ferret.
-If I thrust my hand out at him and shout 'Swiper no Swiping!' three times he will just look at me funny.
-'Swiper no Swiping' is not an incantation anyway. It really only works on me.
minkhollow's addenda-
The Astronomy Tower is not the Dark Tower. Nor are any of the others.
I will not try to convince non-Muggleborn students that Monty Python was some random Parselmouth.
Death Eaters are not called Death Eaters because they serve it as a meal (or, death is not in fact what's for dinner).
The Forbidden Forest is not the Pointless Forest.
My school trunk is not made of sapient pearwood, and I cannot sic it on people I don't like.
Jumping up on a table during dinner and singing "La Vie Boheme" is more likely to confuse my enemies than chase them out of the Great Hall. Besides, I probably won't have anyone else join in, which takes some of the fun out of it.
I will not, when the end of the year rolls around, attempt to convince the first-years they owe me a year's worth of rent if they want to stay in the dorm next year.
Send any future contributions to ladylilyfox@yahoo.com.
waterofthemoon has made a wonderful set of "50 Things" icons. Check them out!The "50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts" CafePress store
The 50 Things Annex
The 50 Things One-Liners Store! Got a favorite to suggest? Comment or email! If it's from the addenda, please name the contributor.
And visit the all-new 50 Things Storm Cellar, with new graphics by
waywardoctagon!24 comments | Leave a comment