Because I am deeply insane...

( Fifty Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts, hogwarts_hocus Edition )

by several of the lovely folk at hogwarts_hocus, including Yours Truly...

( Everything I Need to Know I Learned at Hogwarts_Hocus )

THE PUREBLOOD GIRL'S LAMENT
(with apologizes to Buffy Ste. Marie)



Well, Draco be fair and Draco be fine and wants me for to wed
And I would marry Draco, but my father up and said
I'm sad to tell you daughter what you prob'ly shoulda knew
But Draco is my own nephew and so he's kin to you

Well, Blaise be fair and Blaise be fine and wants me for to wed
And I would marry Blaise, but my father up and said
I'm sad to tell you daughter what you prob'ly shoulda knew
But Blaise is my auntie's grandson and so he's kin to you

Well, Theo be fair and Theo be fine and wants me for to wed
And I would marry Theo, but my father up and said
I'm sad to tell you daughter what you prob'ly shoulda knew
But Theo's my youngest half-brother and so he's kin to you

You never seen a girl so sad and sorry as I was
The boys in school are all my kin and my father is the cause
If this should continue I shall die a single miss
So I'll go to mother and complain to her of this

Oh daughter, haven't I said what you see ain't what you get
Even if this all is true, still you needn't fret
Your father's kin may be a Gordian knot but still
Your real dad was a Muggle, so marry who you will

50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts

Appendix A: Addenda and Errata

Appendix B

Appendix C: 50 Things Kleenexwoman, 12th level chaotic neutral mage, is not allowed to do at Hogwarts


Appendix D

Appendix E: 101 things haldirsbitch is not allowed to do at Hogwarts

Appendix F

Appendix G: Yet More Errata and Even More Addenda

Appendix H: Still more Errata, Yet more Addenda

Appendix I

Appendix J

Appendix K

Appendix L



I'm afraid this will be the last appendix. I just don't have it in me to keep up. Send all future contributions to ladylilyfox@yahoo.com.


( Appendix oMega )


tropic_icons has made some spiffy new icons!

fire_rag has made some wonderful icons as well!


Nemesina has made buttons of some of her favorite one-liners available here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.


The "50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts" CafePress store

The 50 Things Annex

The 50 Things One-Liners Store! Got a favorite to suggest? Comment or email! If it's from the addenda, please name the contributor.

50 Things Storm Cellar

50 Things Attic

50 Things Secret Passageway

50 Things Back Garden

The new Fifty Things Guest Lounge features items dedicated to a few of our more prolific contributors.

50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts

Appendix A: Addenda and Errata

Appendix B

Appendix C: 50 Things Kleenexwoman, 12th level chaotic neutral mage, is not allowed to do at Hogwarts


Appendix D

Appendix E: 101 things haldirsbitch is not allowed to do at Hogwarts

Appendix F

Appendix G: Yet More Errata and Even More Addenda

Appendix H: Still more Errata, Yet more Addenda

Appendix I

Appendix J

Appendix K

ETA: The final appendix, Appendix oMega, is up. Send any future contributions to ladylilyfox@yahoo.com.

( Appendix L )

iikhushi86ii has made some great new icons!


waywardoctagon has some announcements for contributors about the 50 Things CafePress merchandise graphics.


The "50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts" CafePress store

The 50 Things Annex

The 50 Things One-Liners Store! Got a favorite to suggest? Comment or email! If it's from the addenda, please name the contributor.

50 Things Storm Cellar

50 Things Attic

50 Things Secret Passageway

50 Things Back Garden

The new Fifty Things Guest Lounge features items dedicated to a few of our more prolific contributors.

I warned you.

Feel free to inflict it upon others.

( Things I am not Allowed to do at Arilinn Tower )

50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts

Appendix A: Addenda and Errata

Appendix B

Appendix C: 50 Things Kleenexwoman, 12th level chaotic neutral mage, is not allowed to do at Hogwarts


Appendix D

Appendix E: 101 things haldirsbitch is not allowed to do at Hogwarts

Appendix F

Appendix G: Yet More Errata and Even More Addenda

Appendix H: Still more Errata, Yet more Addenda

Appendix I

Appendix J

ETA:Appendix L


( Appendix K )
Send any future contributions to ladylilyfox@yahoo.com.

The "50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts" CafePress store

The 50 Things Annex

The 50 Things One-Liners Store! Got a favorite to suggest? Comment or email! If it's from the addenda, please name the contributor.

50 Things Storm Cellar

50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts

Appendix A: Addenda and Errata

Appendix B

Appendix C: 50 Things Kleenexwoman, 12th level chaotic neutral mage, is not allowed to do at Hogwarts


Appendix D

Appendix E: 101 things haldirsbitch is not allowed to do at Hogwarts

Appendix F

Appendix G: Yet More Errata and Even More Addenda

Appendix H: Still more Errata, Yet more Addenda

Appendix I

ETA:Appendix K

( Appendix J )


Send any future contributions to ladylilyfox@yahoo.com.


waterofthemoon has made a wonderful set of "50 Things" icons. Check them out!


The "50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts" CafePress store

The 50 Things Annex

The 50 Things One-Liners Store! Got a favorite to suggest? Comment or email! If it's from the addenda, please name the contributor.

And visit the all-new 50 Things Storm Cellar, with new graphics by waywardoctagon!

50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts

Appendix A: Addenda and Errata

Appendix B

Appendix C: 50 Things Kleenexwoman, 12th level chaotic neutral mage, is not allowed to do at Hogwarts


Appendix D

Appendix E: 101 things haldirsbitch is not allowed to do at Hogwarts

Appendix F

Appendix G: Yet More Errata and Even More Addenda

Appendix H: Still more Errata, Yet more Addenda

ETA:Appendix J


( Appendix I )

Send any future contributions to ladylilyfox@yahoo.com.


The "50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts" CafePress store

The 50 Things Annex

The 50 Things One-Liners Store! Got a favorite to suggest? Comment or email! If it's from the addenda, please name the contributor.

New items added all the time!

50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts

Appendix A: Addenda and Errata

Appendix B

Appendix C: 50 Things Kleenexwoman, 12th level chaotic neutral mage, is not allowed to do at Hogwarts


Appendix D

Appendix E: 101 things haldirsbitch is not allowed to do at Hogwarts

Appendix F

Appendix G: Yet More Errata and Even More Addenda

ETA:Appendix I


( Appendix H: Still more Errata, Yet more Addenda )

Send any future contributions to ladylilyfox@yahoo.com.



The "50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts" CafePress store

The 50 Things Annex

and introducing The 50 Things One-Liners Store! Got a favorite to suggest? Comment or email! If it's from the addenda, please name the contributor.

New items added all the time!

HoneyB is writing What Not to do at Hogwarts, give it a look!

Also, snazzy new "50 Things" icons!
kurasxlyrics has made some wonderful colorful icons, and rictusempra_ has made rather a lot of lovely icons, some of which are animated.

50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts

Appendix A

Appendix B

Appendix C: 50 Things Kleenexwoman, 12th level chaotic neutral mage, is not allowed to do at Hogwarts


Appendix E: 101 things haldirsbitch is not allowed to do at Hogwarts

Appendix D

Appendix F

ETA:Appendix H: Still more Errata, Yet more Addenda


( Appendix G: Yet More Errata and Even More Addenda )


Send any future contributions to ladylilyfox@yahoo.com.


The "50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts" CafePress store

The 50 Things Annex

Be sure to take a look at hpdmslashlp's Fifty (or so) things Not Allowed at Hogwarts also!

50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts

Appendix A

Appendix B

Appendix C: 50 Things Kleenexwoman, 12th level chaotic neutral mage, is not allowed to do at Hogwarts


Appendix D


Appendix E: 101 things haldirsbitch is not allowed to do at Hogwarts


ETA:Appendix G: Yet More Errata and Even More Addenda



( Appendix F: Errata and Addenda )


Send any future contributions to ladylilyfox@yahoo.com.

The "50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts" CafePress store has many new designs, thanks to waywardoctagon... so many I needed to make The 50 Things Annex! Even more designs coming soon, and if you have any suggestions of things you'd like to see, let me know.

and if you haven't seen these yet, check out

greenabsinthe's icons

behindblue_eyes' icons

queene_icons' icons

and this fic by kashuarashi

50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts

Appendix A

Appendix B

Appendix C: 50 Things Kleenexwoman, 12th level chaotic neutral mage, is not allowed to do at Hogwarts


Appendix D

ETA:Appendix F

( Appendix E: 101 things haldirsbitch is not allowed to do at Hogwarts )

Send any future contributions to ladylilyfox@yahoo.com.


The "50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts" CafePress store

50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts

Appendix A

Appendix B

Appendix C



( 50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts, Appendix D )


Send any future contributions to ladylilyfox@yahoo.com.


The "50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts" CafePress store

(With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy and big_dreaming_k)



You Might Be a Pureblood If...


...your mother didn't have to change her last name when she got married.

...you can use your family tree to cheat on your Astronomy exams.

...your nursery was decorated in green and silver.

...you've ever had a house elf scrub your back.

...I, Claudius makes you homesick.

...you consider the Malfoys "Nouveau Magique".

...any of the portraits at Hogwarts are your relatives.

...any of the ghosts at Hogwarts are your relatives.

...your family "tree" looks more like a wand.

...any room in your house is octarine.

...you learned the signs of the zodiac before the months of the year.

...your first language was Latin, Gaelic, or Hebrew.

...the reason your parents didn't join the Death Eaters is because they were led by a filthy half-blood.

...the Cruciatus curse was a major part of your toilet training.

...you ever had a Kneazle for a babysitter.

...you dislike Hogsmeade because of the "corrupting Muggle influences".

...any of your relatives are named for a poisonous plant.

...your parents started looking for a suitable spouse for you before you got your Hogwarts letter.

...your mother sang you lullabies in Parseltongue.

...you consider shoelaces a "newfangled contraption".

...your first reading lessons were in Ogham, Futhark, or Cuneiform.

...as a child you slept with a stuffed Thestral.

...you have a dragonhide bookbag.

...your parents wore woad to their wedding.

...and if you can count to twelve... on your fingers... you just might be a Pureblood.

ETA:Addenda

ETA:Appendix B

50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts

Appendix A

Appendix B



( Appendix C: 50 Things Kleenexwoman, 12th level chaotic neutral mage, is not allowed to do at Hogwarts )


Send any future contributions to ladylilyfox@yahoo.com.


A reminder: waywardoctagon has been doing a great job coming up with graphics for The 50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts Cafepress Store. But we're asking for input! There are far too many excellent addenda to fit on the back of one shirt, so we'll be doing different editions. We could just call them "More things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts", "Further things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts", "Revenge things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts", "Bride of things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts"... but I'm sure some of you clever folk can think of something funnier!

ETA:Appendix D

So, not only did the 50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts spark enough suggestions for a massive Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts Appendix, it also inspired several icon makers. Check out their great work-


greenabsinthe's icons

behindblue_eyes' icons

queene_icons' icons


Also, waywardoctagon has been doing a great job coming up with graphics for The 50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts Cafepress Store. But we're asking for input! There are far too many excellent addenda to fit on the back of one shirt, so we'll be doing different editions. We could just call them "More things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts", "Further things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts", "Revenge things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts", "Bride of things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts"... but I'm sure some of you clever folk can think of something funnier!

And speaking of the funny... here's

( Things I am not allowed to to at Hogwarts, Appendix B )

Send any future contributions to ladylilyfox@yahoo.com.


ETA:Appendix C


ETA:Appendix D

Wow, this list turned out to be more popular than I could have imagined! I've gathered up all the great addenda everyone submitted, so they won't bet left to languish in eight pages of comments. I've also added a few more of my own.


The 50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts Cafepress Shop is up and running with a variety of products (including the nonexistent Invisibility Thong) and more to be added soon. All are at Cafepress base price!

And now, the errata and addenda to the 50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts:


( Errata )



( Calenture's addenda )



( argyle_S's addenda )



( Padawanroo's addenda )



( stevie_jane's addenda )



( kengyr's addendum and codicil )



( quizzicalsphinx's addenda )



( AJ Hall's addenda )



( Geyahi's addenda )



( tsgeisel's addenda )



( Ailuro Dragon's addenda )



( magistera's addenda )



( Archangel Beth's addenda )



( Weasleysangel's addenda )



( Superri's addenda )



( Azure Lunatic's addenda )



( Kekepania's addenda )



( Kijikun's addenda )



( ladyiapetus' addenda )



( Melle's addenda )



( Jacobine's addenda )



( txt_eva's addenda )



( Chris Reaves' addenda )



( J. L. Matthews' addenda )



( Mercutio's addenda )



( threnodythefop's addenda )



( nicole_anell's addenda )



( XanDutch's addenda )



( qzee's addenda )



( WonderSheep's addenda )



( Snitchhitter's addenda )



( Zaure's addenda )




( aynisha's addenda )



( atombaum88's addenda )



( spazzkat's addenda )



( amandazillah and clumsygyrl's addenda )



( cyberz74's addenda )



( bekithewitch's addenda )



( Tiara the DivaBat's addenda )



( Lady Twatterby's addenda )



( rosiew's addenda )



( hannahrorlove's addenda )



( logopandocie282's addenda )



( seawolf10's addenda )



( Rev. First Speaker Schol-R-LEA;2's addenda )



( Assorted addenda )

ETA:Appendix B

ETA:Appendix C

ETA:Appendix D